how to stop people from bugging you about about getting married or asking if you have a girlfriend

Ayu sent me this gem of wisdom today:


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Pretty useful tip except, I can't really use it. It's only useful if you have a girlfriend at the moment.

For those unfortunate social rejects like myself, that don't have a girlfriend at the moment, we get a different question. I call it "the dreaded question" because I fucking hate it. It comes in several permutations, but the message is pretty clear. Every guy out there probably heard of it at least once in their lifetime, especially when there's a family gathering.

"When are you going to introduce us to your girlfriend?"
"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Fuck! And this question, sometimes, is not limited only to family member, your friends, your most trusted com padres will also, out of nowhere, ask you this question. I'm guessing, either they are curious and they care about me not getting laid, or they fear that I might turn into a serial killer soon because of not getting laid.

So, I've devised some scripts that I use to tackle these people who ask me the "dreaded question".

The Aunties
This only happens to me during family gathering dinners, so I'll devise this based on that scenario.

Of course, after I tell this to any of my aunts, I will ask to be excused. I'll go away for maybe 10 minutes (usually to the washroom) and, when I return, they would probably be talking about something else. Old people have short attention span. Then if you really hate one of your cousins, you can say this.

At this point, you can make your exit to the washroom and look at the aunts concentrate their "firepower" on that particular cousin. Look at that cousin in the eye as you leave ...

Well, friends are altogether a different story. You have to take a different approach with them. Even with friends, I've separated them into 3 different categories.

Female Friends (The platonic type)
This is the type of female friends that I like to hangout with, that I know I'll never develop any romantic feelings for. When they ask me the dreaded question, I always give them a really childish answer, to throw them off:

Everytime I say things that are along that line, they usually shrug it off and tell me to "get the fuck out of here".

Female Friends (potential "the one")
These are my female friends that I think that has potential of being "the one". Some of the things that I say here might sound lame to some, but they are mine. I know I've got no game. So take this disclaimer, I bear no responsibility if your potential "the one" thinks that you are weird (potential stalker weird) after you utter these lines:

Male Friends
This group is basically your dawgs. I doubt any of them give a fuck if I have a girlfriend or not. But sometimes, when we run out of topics to talk about, "the question" will pop up. Of course when I have a girlfriend, the topic of conversation will be somewhat different..which I will not go into now.

So tell me what you think. If you have any more scripts that I can use, please share with me.


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