2008 u.s presidential election

First of all, before you start reading this article, bear in mind, the following:

From what I still retain from my American Government 101 class, this should be George W's last term as the President of United States of America. (22nd Amendment to the United States Constitution).

Which also means:


With the recent "change of hand" in the US senate, with more Democrats having their voice heard in the House of Representatives, things are beginning to look really grim for the Republicans. It's really clear indication of the general public's opinion on the war in Iraq and how they feel about the government or the political party that sanctioned the invasion that caused death in thousands of Americans, and not to mention soldiers whose limbs get blown off without knowing what the war was about,not being able to claim their disability check and not able to find a decent job because of their disability.

With more Democrats being in office in the House of Representatives, we do see a more balanced government. With Democrats in control of the senate, legislatures and bills concerning sending people to their death just because of whatever reason, be it, for economical purposes of retaining and controlling an endless supply of petroleum while not exhausting own country's natural oil supply (the Russians told the Americans to "fuck off" when they wanted to build a pipeline across Russia to carry oil from the Caspian, so "maybe" the Americans had a lightbulb moment and though "Hey, we know Saddam's our bitch and, we know they don't really have any nuclear weapons to retaliate if we attack them anyways, let's bomb the fuck out of them and route the pipeline through Iraq") or for satisfying own personal vendetta against a few ex-freedom fighters who allegedly perpetrated the 9/11 attacks (which until now is still being shrouded with controversies on how the Bush and Rudy Guiliani's administration handled the investigations, there is a cover up, I tell you.),can be avoided.

I'm digressing. That's not really the reason for this post. I'm here to today to comment on the political candidates for president. Now, what was I going to say?

Brain, hurts. Bush, out. New president, 2008. Potential, candidates. Emm, pudding.


DEMOCRATIC (ASS PARTY) CANDIDATES



Joe Biden
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None.

Kinda patronly look, with a side of military background. Looks like someone who's most likely to tell his kid to call him, "sir", instead of "dad". Someone who wears socks when having sex and plans his sexual encounters with the missus to the minute. Someone who orders his penis to be erect.

His chances of winning, poor. Need to find more celebrity endorsement, maybe some celebrity who needs a "daddy".



Hillary Rodham Clinton
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
Alex Baldwin, actor ($2000),
John Bon Jovi, musician($2300, $2300),
James Brooks, Producer($2300),
Warren Buffet, chairman Berkshire Hathaway Inc($2300),
Laurie David, producer/activist($2300),
Danny DeVito, actor($2300),
Alan Dershowitz, Law Professor($2300,$1000),
Berry Gordy, founder of Motown Records/producer($2300),
Brian Grazer, producer($2300,$2300),
John Grisham, writer($2300,$2300),
Christopher Guest, actor($2300),
Tom Hanks, actor($2300),
Hugh Hefner, editor-in-chief Playboy magazine ($2300,$2300),
Marg Helgenberger, actor($1000),
Bette Midler, entertainer,($2300),
Paul Newman ,actor($2300,$2300),
Brett Ratner, director/producer($2300,$2300),
Jerry Springer, Tv personality($2300,$2300),
Martha Stewart, founder of Martha Stewart Living($2300,$2300),
Barbra Streisand,entertainer($2300),
Donald Trump, VP of Trump Enterprises($2300,$1700),
Ivanka Trump,model,($1000)

She looks really old and somehow she gives me the whole older version of "Melissa Ethridge" vibe. Sort of like a power lesbian. She probably only has sex for procreation not recreation. Probably had sex once (to conceive Chelsea) with Bill, and never again.

But what I know is, she's definitely the brains behind the whole Clinton administration. Bill just doesn't look like someone who's running things in the White House when he took office. I've got a feeling that he's just dry humping fat interns and smoking cigars with their privates all the time he was there.

But hey, look at all Slick-Willy's friends, supporting the missus all. Even if she doesn't win, it seems like she's got a shitload of celebrity endorsements. That almost guarantees her another shot at 2012.



Chris Dodd

Celebrity Campaign Donor:
Paul Newman, actor($200,$2300),
Paul Simon, singer/songwriter($1900,$400,$2300),
Barbra Streisand, entertainer($1000),
Howard Stringer, chairman and CEO of Sony Corp($2300)

B-list celebrities. Please! Find some A-listers, maybe Leo DiCaprio? Noone listens to Paul Simon anymore.

Is it me or does he look like Mohamed Al-Fayed with hair? Or one of the priests from the Godfather movie?



John Edwards
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
James Brooks, writer/producer($2300),
Larry David, writer/actor($2300),
Laurie David, producer/activist($2300),
Brian Grazer, chairman Imagine Entertainment($2300),
Sean Penn, director/actor/producer($4600),
Brett Ratner, director/producer($2300,$2300),
Kate Spielberg, actor($2300),
Barbra Streisand, entertainer($2300)

"Hey John. Your mom called, she said you forgot your sweater, again. And are we still meeting at the playground later?". Dude, no offense, come back when you are older.




Mike Gravel
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

Another poor bastard. Noone loves him. Probably going to end up as Cheney's roommate at the heart hospital when he loses the election, and he WILL.



Dennis Kucinich
Celebrity Campaign Donor:

Noone loves him too. Hey, Jerry Orbach called. He wants his hairstyle back.



Barrack Obama
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
Jennifer Aniston, actor($2300),
Tyra Banks, model/TV personality($2300),
Lawrence Bender, producer($2300),
Halle Berry, actor($2300),
Judy Blume, author($2300),
Zach Braff, actor($2300),
James Brooks, producer($2300),
Jackson Browne, music & art($2300),
Warren Buffet, chairman of Berkshire Hathaway($4600,$2300),
Kate Capshaw, actor($2300),
George Clooney, actor/producer/director($2300),
Cindy Crawford, model($2300),
Jamie Curtis, writer($4600,$2300),
Larry David, writer/actor($2300),
Laurie David, producer($2300),
Tom Ford, designer and president of Tom Ford($2300),
Jodie Foster, actor($2300,$1000),
Jamie Foxx, entertainer($2300),
Morgan Freeman, actor($2300),
Cuba Gooding Jr, actor ($2300),
Berry Gordy, producer/founder of Motown Records ($2300),
Brian Grazer, producer($2300),
Dennis Haysbert, actor($2300),
Hugh Hefner, editor Playboy Inc($2300),
Magic Johnson, sports figure($2300),
Bette Midler, entertainer($2300),
Paul Newman, actor($4600,$2300),
Edward Norton, actor($2300),
Ellen Pompeo, actor($2300),
Steven Spielberg, director/producer($2300),
Barbra Streisand, entertainer($2300),
Oprah Winfrey, TV personality ($2300)

This guy's got all Hillary's supporters and he's got the minorities too. Fuck! I think he's going to win.

By the way, he's going to meet John Edwards at the playground later.



And doesn't he look like the older Taj Mowry?



Bill Richardson
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
Judy Bloom, author($2300),
James Brooks, writer/producer/director($1000),
Kate Capshaw, actor($2300),
Michael Douglas, actor($2300),
Tom Ford, designer($2300),
Jodie Foster, actor($1000),
Bette Midler, entertainer($2300),
Paul Newman, actor($2300)

He might have some endorsements, but none of them are A-list celebrities. Where's Leo? No chance of winning, at all.

If the presidency doesn't work out, I'd definitely hire this guy to work in a sub-sandwich shop. He strikes me as someone who enjoys a good old all meat sub. Look at the pores, the bacon's really seeping out.

Either that or somehow he's related to Bill Murray.



REPUBLICAN (DUMBO PARTY) CANDIDATES


Rudy Giuliani
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
Mary Clark,writer($500),
Melissa Gilbert, actor($2300, $2300),
Jeff Gordon, race car driver($2300),
Kelsey Grammer, actor($4600),
Donald Trump, EVP Trump Organization($4600,$2300)

I don't know. I actually think he's a really cool mayor, prior to the 9/11 incident. He was on SNL and he really cleaned up NYC when he was in office. But I don't really see him as the leader of the free world. Weird.



Mike Huckabee
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

Humms "Huckabye baby on the tree top, when the wind blow I'm sure you hip will break". Dude, that $6.00 dye job's not going to fool anyone. People are already pissed off with the president for lying about the WMDs, now another guy who lies about the real color of his hair? Don't think so, dude.



Duncan Hunter
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

Duncan Hunter is really cool movie character name. Like Indiana Jones. But it sounds weird for a president. Imagine someone shouting "I'm looking for President Hunter", is he looking for the president or someone who kills presidents for sport like the Predator. And on that basis, I don't think he's going to be president.



John McCain
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
Jerry Bruckheimer,producer($2300)

Another war guy. He advises Bush on war issues. He was a POW in Nam. I wonder if he still thinks about killing Commies in his sleep. Plus look at the white hair (not gray by the way), how long do you think he's going to last. He looks like he should be playing golf with Gerald Ford in the big golf course in the sky anytime soon.

And his only supporter likes to blow shit up in his movies.



Ron Paul
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

Imagine this guy saying this to you "9 out 10 dentists recommend Oral B" or "Sensodyne, reliefs gum bleeding". Doesn't he look like one of those dentists on the posters that teaches you oral hygiene.



Mitt Romney
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

Let me guess, his dad likes baseball. Why else would he name his son after a baseball glove?

I hear a some serious ad music playing in my head when I look at his picture. And the I hear the following pitch, "Is this the face of erectile dysfunction? A healthy sex life could be your for ..., please call 1-900-BONER-B-UP for consultation today".

OR

He's looks like the guy that might say "I swear, I didn't molest my own child", and a male child, of course. Doesn't look like someone who has a daughter. Anyhow, I'm not saying that he is a child molester, he just looks like one of people. someone who has to always defend himself of child molestation accusations.

And he seems like a person most likely to name his kid "Chip". And call his son "Champ".



Tom Tancredo
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

I'd vote for him if he can speak with a French accent. He looks like one of those French inspectors in action movies. He'd be perfect for the role of the police inspector from Rush Hour 3. Not as a president. Plus I think he has no chance because again, no celebrity endorsement.

P.S Highly unlikely that he'd be able to speak with a French accent, he's Italian.



Fred Thompson
Celebrity Campaign Donor:
None

Not another actor. No..no NOOOoooooooo.

Anyhow, for those who track the elections and vote for the candidate based on issues, unlike myself, here's a widget that might proof to be useful.




Source: Washington Post.

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