how to decide who to marry: by kids (and me?)

freddy's nightmare

I found this article called "How To Decide Who to Marry: By Kids" by Salma Runman from this website called I've decided to add my two-cents onto each question, just because ... because I have nothing to do now.

How would you make your marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10

Plenty of sex. Plenty of communication. Plenty of food. And they don't have to be mutually exclusive of each other.

But seriously, I think, the most important thing is to just listen to your wife/girlfriend or domestic partner. Just agree with whatever she says. Just do whatever she wants you to do. You don't have to like it. Even if you hated it, just zip it and do it. Less argument, less stress. You'll live longer.

Wait... maybe living longer might not be a good idea if I hated everything she wanted me to do. Oh well.

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

Depends. How long have they been married?

If they are newlyweds, they are the ones who can't keep their hands off each other. The wife clings onto the husband's arm where ever they go. The ones with the excessive PDAs (public display of affection), who worships every word that came out of their spouses' mouth. And they call each other 'Honey', 'Dear', 'Darling' ... yadda yadda yadda, all the time.

If they've been married a long time, you will see a woman walking in front and another guy trailing behind carrying all the groceries and sometimes pushing the baby carriage. And he has some shades on that he uses to inconspicuously check out any woman what walks past him. Anytime this couple have like a dinner meeting with single friends, the husband seems to be very interested in hearing the exploits of the other single male friend. And the husband always answers the wife with a "Yes, dear" like he was responding to a commanding officer or something, but in a very condescending way.

If they've been married for even a 'longer' time, you will notice that the wife is walking alone. The husband is no where in sight. It's because the husband told the wife that he's going to be hanging out at the hardware store, request that the wife just meet him somewhere at a certain time. Well, either that or the husband has decided that he has had enough and decided to take the dirt nap.

But, mind you, eventhough scenario two and three might sound very negative, I honestly believe that the husbands in those situations still loves their wifes. Well, if they don't, I don't think that they would have stuck around for so long. Or is it the alimony payment?

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
Both don’t want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

A mortgage. A house loan. Custody of their children. Love and hate relationship with each other?

What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure?)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10

To get to know another human being that doesn't find you deplorable enough to go out on a date with you and hopefully the same someone will learn to love you for who you are and eventually get suckered into marrying you.

Places to go on dates, a guys guide:

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

Depends if I really like that girl. If I like her, I'd try to turn it around by doing something drastically stupid. Else, I'll just let it go sour and send her home, hopefully I'm still alive at that moment.

When is it okay to kiss someone?
When they’re rich.
Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8

Geez. Even a kid knows that girls are supposed to only kiss rich guys. Fuck. Note to self, add making shitload of money to 2008 new year resolution.

When is it OK to kiss someone? I guess when you know your breath doesn't smell like sour onion. And she's up for it.

What is the right age to get married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

When you are ready to commit to one penis or one vagina for your whole life. OK, fine. When you are ready to commit yourself to one person until you die. When I say commit, I mean, financially (my money is her money, her money is her money), emotionally (I need to talk about my feelings), physically (Honey, please mow the lawn. Fix the leaking sink), and psychologically ("Does my butt look fat in this?", "Why don't we talk anymore?").

Is it better to be single or married?
I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

No difference. When you are single, your mom nags at you. When you are in a relationship, your girlfriend nags at you. When you are married, your wife nags at you.

How do you decide whom to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
Kristen, age 10

If you are a guy, it's not really up to you.If she accepts your proposal, you marry her. If she doesn't accept, you wait for the next girl who says "Yes" to your proposal.

If you are girl, look at the answer to my previous question. Look for the guy who can commit to you, financially, emotionally, physically and psychologically.


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9:51:00 AM,

At Apr 25, 2008, 10:37:00 PM, Anonymous bluesky said...

this is funny.... the kids are smart!
Your answers are funny to.  

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