kid turned in by satanist for planning to kill grandparents

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Teen Held After Threat Sent to Satanists

CORTLAND, Ohio (AP) -- A teenager was arrested after a leader of the Church of Satan turned over to the FBI an e-mail the high school student had written to the sect in which he threatened to kill his grandparents, authorities said.

A kid threatening to kill his or her guardian. That's really nothing new. I don't even think its something to raise any alarm for. Everyone at some point in their life has thought about offing their parents, even if they are not some certified deranged lunatic. Come on, you're not going to tell me you've never EVER thought of a way to off your parents. Not even once? I have to call bullshit right there.

Just thinking of offing someone doesn't really mean you are going to do it. It's just something that you do. Something that you do when you have nothing to do. Something that you think of doing when you are mad at someone. So what.

Andrew Culver, 18, told police the e-mail detailing his intention to kill his grandparents and steal their money and car was a joke, said Bazetta Township Police Chief Charles Sayers.

Stupid idiot. Next time, just don't mention the money and car. If he didn't mention that stuff, maybe the shrinks will just label him as a psycho, blame it on the Satanic Church or Marilyn Manson, and send him to the institution, where doesn't have to be constantly afraid of being "ANAL"-ly "ASS"-aulted while in the shower. They might even give him a Prozac if he behaves. His insanity plea might sound more plausible.

Now that he's mentioned the money and the car part, the court would just label him a killer, or maybe a killer in training, like a younger version of the Menendez brothers. He's already 18, so, juve might not even be an option anymore.

According to police, Culver wrote he had access to an arsenal of weapons and wanted to "kill in the name of our unholy lord Satan."

Arsenal of weapons? Let's take a look at the word 'arsenal'. The word 'arsenal' sort of implies that he should have like a plethora of weapons available to him. Notice I highlighted the word weapons. I mean, being 18, what kinds of weapons can he get his hands on?

In Ohio, the legal age to purchase firearms is 21. He can't even get a gun because he's just not old enough. Even if he managed to find someone who would sell him a gun. A decent gun would cost a bomb. A Glock costs like around $500 (I Googled it). I mean, if he had the cash to buy the gun, do you think he would still have to kill grandpa and grandma for money? So no guns for him. So what else?

Slingshot? Any kid can get hold of it. It's not really a weapon. Most people use it to kill pigeons. Anyone who's ever used a slingshot would know its a messy weapon. And you can't really guarantee the accuracy.

Hunting bows? Like guns, they cost a bomb too. A decent compound bow cost a good couple of hundred bucks. Plus, even if grandpa and grandma has Mr Magoo eyesight, they'd probably see him coming at them with a stupid bow and arrow.

Poison? Too childish. Plus, it's easily detected and a mess to cleanup.

Cutting the brakes on the grandparent's car? Too much work. Also, you need to know a little bit about cars to do it. This also means that his so-called arsenal of weapons consists of only a pair of pliers. Pliers hardly count as a weapon.

So, at this point, I still can't imagine what kind of "arsenal" that he could have come up with. Remember, arsenal means weapons. Lot of weapons. Plural.

Culver sent the message Wednesday to Peter Gilmore, the high priest of the New York City-based Church of Satan, Sayers said. Gilmore alerted the FBI, which notified local police. Culver was taken out of class Thursday and questioned by police, Szers said.

"To send an e-mail making specific threats, to sign your name, that to me is not a joke," Sayers said.

Culver: You hath betrayed me, O servant of the Dark Lord! You shall perish to the depths of heaven. Hell. Denied. And you shall be served with soft pink marshmallows and Kenny G muzak for all the days that you are in heaven!

Seriously. If he was serious about offing his grandparents, do you seriously think he would have attached his name in the mail? He would have just keep it on the DL. Think about it. Did the Zodiac Killer signed his name as Arthur Allen Leigh when he sent those letters to the San Francisco Examiner? Did the Ted Kaczynski used his own name when he sent the Unabomber letter to the NY Post?

Messages seeking comment were left at the home where Culver lives with his grandparents and with the Trumbull County Juvenile Detention Center, where Culver is being held.

The grandparents are probably thinking..WTF did they do to deserve this? What did they do wrong to deserve an idiot for a grandson. A stupid grandson who didn't even know that if when you know you are going to kill someone, you shut the fuck up and just do it. Instead of telling it to someone who doesn't care. Stupid fuck!

Charges will be discussed at a scheduled hearing on Monday, Sayers said.

Send him to school. Make him smarter. Send him to jail. Let him learn the evil ways. Make him smarter.

Gilmore said his church discards most of the hundreds of e-mails it receives daily. But Culver's message stood out, he said.

"I thought it could be a joke, but with recent events in Colorado and Nebraska, I thought it was better to play it safe," he said, referring to mass shootings in an Omaha mall, a missionary school near Denver and a Colorado Springs church that killed a total of 13 people, including the gunmen.

Gilmore said members of his group are atheists who believe Satan is a symbol of freedom, not evil. "To the Satanist, he is his own God," reads a statement on the group's Web site from Gilmore.

So, he just happen to just stumble upon this letter? So what about the ones that he discarded. I don't really thinks he reads any of the mails sent to them. Grandpa and Grandma Culver are damn lucky. Not so much on the ones that Reverend Gilmore threw away. I guess the ones that Gilmore discarded are probably dead by now.

AND, something else I want to add:

I think Satan's not really a bad guy. I just think that he has a bad rep. Why?

I mean, if they were more proactive, maybe the Vatican would have been theirs.

Honestly, I love Satanist. They believe in a lot of things that I do. They are not really about killing virgins and sacrificing goats and shit. Here's a list of their "Eleven Satanic Rules of Earth":

  1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
    Which means, shut the fuck up. Noone's interested in your opinion. Your opinion don't matter. So whatever you say, will hold no value. So just keep quiet. When I want to know what you think, I will ask you to say it.

  2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
    Keep your shit to yourself. It's not my fucking problem. Don't burden me with your shit. I don't have time for this.

  3. When in another’s lair, show them respect or else do not go there.
    Which means, Mi Casa is not Su Casa. Mi Casa es Mi Casa. ¿Comprende?. So none of that shit about putting your feet on my table and grabbing a beer from my fridge without my fucking permission. Get it?

  4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy.
    Sweet. Prepare to die! Assholes in my domain will be executed.

  5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
    No means NO. If she poured a drink over your head, I think its pretty clear that she's not interested.

  6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved.
    Don't eat the last piece of pizza in my fridge unless I tell you that I can't eat it anymore!

  7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

  8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
    Don't bitch about this things that don't concern you.

  9. Do not harm little children.
    Harm only adults.

  10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
    Non-human animals? Is there even a human animal? So what they mean is, don't hunt for fun. I guess that's why there aren't any redneck satanists.

  11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.
    Mind your own fucking business. You are only allowed to kick their ass if they mess with you.

Pretty good rules to live by don't you think?

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